Reclaiming the Phrase "Be a woman"

A couple of months ago, I took a trip to Ann Arbor with a friend. I was trying to passively enjoy the sightseeing until... we stopped in a children's store and saw a t-shirt with the slogan "Real Men Read." Well, I just couldn't stop thinking about it because we hear language a lot that has become so normalized that we don't even question it. I'm trying to understand the thinking behind this slogan. Reading is often seen as an "uncool" activity for boys, and in an effort to increase literacy, the best we can come up with is "Real Men Read." So, real men read as opposed to fake men that are "weak, wimpy, too feminine, and not manly enough" to read. I like the intention of getting more boys to read, but the only reason the slogan works is because it is based on stereotypes about being "manly." It suggests that all little boys need to "become men" who are strong and masculine. What does it mean to be a "real man"? After doing some research, I see that R.E.A.L is a slogan for read, excel, achieve, lead, but I still have my problems with it.

As I've been thinking through this idea, I've noticed how often the media contributes to societal thoughts on what it means to "be a man" or "be a woman." For example, this song from Mulan comes to mind.

Mad Men is my new television obsession, and I think it's incredibly well-done. It's extremely accurate to the issues of race, class, gender, and sexuality occurring during the '60s. Peggy, the young copywriter, gets a promotion yet is struggling to navigate being a woman in a man's world since she's the only woman on her team. In an episode of Season 2, she gets the advice to "Stop trying to be a man. Be a woman" (2.5, 2.6). In the following episode, Peggy doesn't get invited to the men's outings together, so she shows up in a lovely dress and joins them. The other characters often criticize her for dressing like a little girl, so in this episode when she succumbs to the required female office attire, she finally gets an in. 

I often find myself caught in this trap. When women are strong and speak their minds, demonstrating stereotypically masculine behaviors, they are "bitches" that need to be controlled. I think men fear powerful women, and this fear is often hidden deeply in the unconscious that men don't understand why these women bother them so much. As one of my favorite feminist quotes from filmmaker, Catherine Breillat, shares, "It's a joke - if men can't desire liberated women, then tough. Does it mean they can only desire a slave? Men need to question the roots of their own desire. Why is it that historically men have this need to deny women to be able to desire them?" What does it mean to "be a woman" in 2012? To me, it means being intelligent, sexy, powerful, vulnerable, kind, and strong. (more on Mad Men later...)

What I've Been Reading

I was recently researching the London School of Economic's Gender Institute and found this article about a man who sued the university for being "anti-male." After 6-weeks in the Gender, Media, and Culture program, he declared that the curriculum discriminates against men. This great article from The Guardian explains that the goal of Gender Studies is to consider the positions of all people including LGBTQ individuals, people with disabilities, etc. I think that Gender Studies is often misinterpreted as being anti-male. Feminists are supposed to be man-hating witches that keep voodoo dolls of men in their rooms. Of course, I do not think this, and men have to be included in conversations about women's rights because sexism is a form of systematic oppression that men and women perpetuate. Also, I think it is a bit ridiculous that this man is getting so much attention when the time could be spent on more important issues (like the ones this man was learning about in class but not listening to!) 

(On a random note: While I am not anti-all men, I would like to state that telling a woman that God told you to tell her that she is beautiful is NOT an appropriate or believable pickup line. Really, student who used that pickup line on me last week! I'm starting to think my love life is hopeless because if that's the best I get, then I'd rather be single forever.)

This mom put her seven-year old child on a diet and then wrote an article about it in Vogue. I just want to give that child a hug. It's sad that we live in a culture where this woman is getting a book deal for calling her child "fat."

To end on a positive note, I recently viewed the "Get Real" commercials for Kotex that address the absurdity of tampon ads. I appreciate that these commercials assume that women are smarter consumers than they are given credit for.

Empowering, Funny... You decide.


*Special thanks to Megan Early for sending the "Get Real" commercials.

JT and Timbaland will feed your sexual appetite

It seems that we live in a society that will only accept extreme views of men and women. There is the young virgin who is a prude and then there is the hyper-sexualized slut. At the same time that we tell young women that they must wait for Prince Charming to ride in on his white horse, we show them music videos where scantily-clad females are props surrounding famous musicians. Recently, I watched this music video for "Carry Out" by Timbaland featuring Justin Timberlake.

The lyrics are pretty obvious. A man provides a ticket and a woman fulfills his order. He satisfies her appetite with foreplay, and she provides the dessert. I think what strikes me the most about this video is the comparison between an appetite for food and appetite for sex. Women are constantly caught in traps where they are not allowed to have appetites for food (why? well, they wouldn't want to get "fat" and become unattractive to male suitors), and women also face judgment for having sexual appetites. Based on the images that we receive in the media, it is only thin, beautiful, and white women that are allowed to have sex and talk about it with the assumption that they don't really eat to maintain their figures. When women are eating dessert in this music video, it is clear that they are doing this in a hyper-sexualized manner referencing oral sex.

While the video is encouraging a woman's sexual appetite, it is reinforcing the view that women only have that one appetite. What about her appetite for new experiences, travel, or love? These other aspects of female identity are missing, and young women easily learn that to feed a man's sexual appetite they need to provide the dessert. People have sex. It is a natural part of life, but it becomes problematic when women only have sex or are sexual objects.

A couple of other thoughts I'm thinking through on this music video:

-The history of hip-hop culture would provide some interesting commentary on this video. I read parts of this book, Check it while I wreck it: Black womanhood, hip-hop culture, and the public sphere, where author Gwendolyn D. Pough, makes some thought-provoking comments about female rappers who have used questionable messages from male rappers to create empowering lyrics and music videos.

-Also, Justin Timberlake is a repeat offender. The film Dreamworlds turns a critical eye to his video for "Cry Me a River" where he stalks a Britney Spears look-alike and breaks into her home because he can't get over a breakup. (creepy, I think yes!)

-Also, I think it's interesting to consider how race and gender intersect in this video. I'm taking a course in African American Women's literature that I absolutely love (!), and we have discussed the ways that historically black women have been hyper-sexualized and compared to animals. Consider this recent ad:

"I am my HAIR. It's all the glory I bare"

Hair. It's a big deal. The Vagina Monologues and Lady Gaga taught me that, so when I saw this headline, I cringed. Emma Watson shares that journalists asked her if she was a lesbian after she got a pixie haircut. These questions are problematic because (a) her sexual orientation isn't anyone else's business except for her and (b) why is it assumed that women with pixie haircuts must be lesbians. Hair is gendered, and we need to challenge the assumptions that we make about people based on their physical appearances. These journalists are relying on an old stereotype that lesbians have more "masculine" appearances and short hair like a man. Isn't it about time we start embracing wider views on masculinity and femininity? If we don't do this, children may suffer the mental consequences of not fitting into the gender norms expected of them.

I respect Emma Watson for expressing in interviews that sexiness is subtle, and she doesn't want to flaunt her looks. The way these journalists tried to "label" Emma signifies a bigger issue about needing to label others and place them into convenient categories. I'm not interested in being placed in anyone else's categories. 


*More proof that hair is an important subject...

Are Men Under Attack?

I've noticed that men are getting a lot of bad publicity in the media sphere over the last few weeks/years. When I returned home from Connecticut, my mother left an article on my bed from the Wall Street Journal, with the harsh title, "Where Have All the Good Guys Gone?" It featured an excerpt from a book released this past March titled, Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys, by Kay Hymowitz. She analyzes how pop culture has created the infamous "man-boy", a.k.a Seth Rogan before he meets Katherine Heigel in Knocked Up. One immediate issue I have with this book is the fact that women are being blamed for the rise of "man-boys." Why must women be punished for their power and strength? Female power poses a threat to men who are now losing their masculinity and never growing up. This is a troubling connection to me.


I was then sent to an amusing video from The Onion titled, "Obama Releases 500,000 Men from U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve." While I think the video's hilarious, there were certain parts that made me a bit uncomfortable. For example, the ideal man, according to The Onion, notices a woman's new haircut and learns to grow a vegetable garden. Is that all women desire in a life partner?


My main question is: Are The Onion, Knocked Up, and Kay Hymowitz onto something? Is this generation of men, less mature, and more boyish? I'm certainly not an authority on the male population, and I've had my fair share of awkward experiences with immature men (for evidence of this, you can refer to this previous post). Yet, I do have an opinion on this "man-boy" phenomena. I think films such as Knocked Up have glorified the "man-boy" archetype and made it more socially acceptable for men to sit around in their pajamas and play video games all day. Why grow up when your favorite celebrity stays a child forever in your favorite television program or movie? I think it gives men "the easy way out" and an excuse to avoid responsibilities in their lives, so let's get rid of the "man-boy" term. Also, it's an exaggeration to say that all men are like this. I'd like to keep the hope alive that there are "good" men out there, escaping the "man-boy" label.

"Man-boys" in action.

(http://www.universalstudiosentertainment.com/uploads/

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Challenging the Notion of “Gender-blind” Classrooms

Let the media storm begin. A preschool in Sweden, Egalia, has decided to eliminate the words “him” and “her” and begin referring to students as “friends.” The purpose of this change is, according to a teacher at Egalia, to inspire children to be “who they want to be.” I respect the school’s commitment to allow their students freedom and individuality, but I do not think this is the best approach. In light of the recent media frenzy about Storm, the famous gender-neutral child, I do have a problem with creating classrooms that are “gender-blind.” It reminds me of the term “color-blind” some educators cite to combat racism in their classrooms. This is a poor approach since it does not acknowledge the wealth of knowledge students’ differences can bring to a classroom. Also, these differences can cause students to have strikingly different experiences in the classroom. To assume that treating each student the “same” would solve inequalities in the classroom is foolish, and I think an injustice to each student. TIME's article describes that another reason for this preschool’s decision is to fight the unfair advantage boys get in society. So calling a child “friend” instead of “him” or “her” is going to give girls an advantage against unjust structures of power in Swedish society? Wow, that’s a lot of pressure!

Instead of liberation from gender roles, this decision may confuse children and rob them of ways to define themselves. I support breaking down stereotypes in the classroom because I think teachers and the classroom environment are strong manipulators of gendered behavior. For example, at the preschool I volunteered with last semester their was a fairy tale day where the girls dressed as princesses and the boys were required to dress as princes. In an effort to open up possibilities for the students, the educators at Egalia may, in fact, be limiting the children’s exploration of what it means to be a boy or girl. While I am often on a crusade against labeling children, sometimes we need labels to better understand ourselves.

I respect the methodology behind the educators’ use of "him" and "her", but gender is an elusive concept, and as I’ve asked in a previous post, citing a clip from Modern Family, can anything or anyone truly be gender-neutral or “gender-blind”? Even if we try to accomplish this, are we all victims of the society in which we live? Can meaning only be made based on the labels of "male" or "female" we are given at a young age or maybe from birth with the blue and pink blankets? I would like to think "No"!

(http://interstellarundersteer.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/annie-lennox.jpeg)

The label for this image of Annie Lennox on Google was "Androgyny is Cool." Is the prospect of gender neutrality now a trend that models and celebrities want to jump on the bandwagon of?

Men & Feminism: An Unlikely Pair?

This week in one of my classes, we discussed whether men can do "feminist" research. For example, can men interview women about their experiences? Could they every understand what it is like to be "female"? While debating those questions in class, one student brought up the clip from Modern Family where Phil goes to the spa. (It's nice to know that other people are questioning themes from the show as well!)


So, what does it mean to be a feminist? Feminism usually gets a bad rap. It is stereotyped as being a movement made up of bra-burning man-haters. Well, that's not the case! Many people who identify as feminists claim different definitions. I think feminism is an attitude. It is an attitude of openness towards all people considered "different" whose rights have been "limited." It inspires me to work to promote a "better" world where there is less gender, sex, race, and class discrimination.


I stumbled onto a blog about an inspiring teacher that shares feminism with her students. She recently wrote an article about "Teaching Boys Feminism", and I think she makes a great point about women and men embracing feminism. Here's the link: http://feministteacher.com/.

"Modern" Constructions of Femininity

I was watching an episode of Modern Family today that had me thinking about "modern" constructions of femininity and masculinity. In this episode, Claire tries to mediate an argument between her daughters while Phil enjoys a day at the spa where the women teach him the "proper" ways to speak with his wife when she is having a rough day. Instead of offering a solution like "don't use the highway if there is traffic", the women tell Phil to just sympathize with Claire and tell her "I'm sorry" and "That's horrible." In this clip, it is evident that Phil sees men as "problem solvers" while women sit back in their chairs gossiping and giving advice without actually "doing" anything. 


It was funny to me because I remember in my AP Psychology class in high school my teacher pointing out that stereotypical difference between men and women. Men always answer by finding a solution and offering steps to fix the problem while women answer with empathy and a response such as "Oh, I'm sorry. That's awful." I keep returning to that statement because I think it is true and false. While it's true in some situations, in others, I just don't think it is because I'm surrounded by a group of women that are empathetic with advice and sympathy but also know how to solve a problem with concrete solutions. Why can't women be both, and why do those traits need to be separated into masculine and feminine terms?


Also present in this episode is Phil's "feminine" side. He is often made fun of on the show for his tendency to behave in stereotypically "feminine" ways. He goes to the spa, and in this clip, he speaks about his preference for kiwi hand cream. I know this is just supposed to be funny (and of course, I see the humor in it!), but I wonder if it is offering a reality about the way masculinity and femininity are constructed? We need to question what exactly is so funny about Phil behaving this way. It's funny because Phil is acting out of the "norm". He's a man at the spa, a stereotypically female space and behavior. I wonder: Where did that thinking come from, and do I perpetuate it in my daily conversations? I'm not saying that women shouldn't go to the spa (I think it's great!) but can we make it a gender-free zone? But then again, can anything be free of gender differences?


Take a look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0ceYcuo7mI&playnext=1&list=PL6FFD22150704CDF4

(http://mediamemo.allthingsd.com/files/2010/06/modern-family.jpg)

Gender Neutral Shoes?

On Sunday, I spent the day with my little sister from the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program at Denison. She is a wonderful, wise, hip young lady. While we were shopping for sneakers, she made an astute observation: “She always buys boys’ shoes because they don’t make cool shoes for girls.” When I asked her why she thought that, she answered, “I guess more girls just like pink and glitter.” Designs for shoes fall into social constructions of what is female and male. A feminine shoe is pink and glittery while a masculine shoe is as my little put it “cooler.” There are more options and better designs for men. This is just one example of how conceptions of gender influence all aspects of life. Even something small such as shoe design and color contributes to gender inequality. This needs to be changed! Maybe my little will start her own company designing cool shoes…