What I've Been Reading

I've been reading some great, interesting, and strange articles lately that I'd like to share. 


Stanford study found that social media is hurting young girls' social development.


Are the movie posters for French actor, Jean Dujardin's new film too provocative? 


Male Birth Control: Check out this study about male contraception that decreases amount of sperm.


I loved Viola's Davis's speech at the SAG Awards. If you haven't seen it, WATCH IT! With that in mind, I was sad to read this article where Octavia Spencer discusses her unhealthy weight. Can't we focus on the film's accolades instead of the weight of its actresses?


Scary story about a young girl who is protesting the inclusion of transgender children in Girl Scouts. Question: When and where should LGBTQ education begin? Just when I think we are taking steps forward, I see that we are moving backwards. A bill that went into effect in California on January 1st to include LGBTQ historical figures in history curriculum is meeting some roadblocks.


Some thoughts from a fellow single woman.

Well SAID...

I LOVE this blog post I read on Feministe... It's a well-articulated reflection on the criticisms single women endure. Chally makes a strong statement writing:


"There’s nothing deficient about finding yourself single, or pursuing the kind of life you want. I know that much of my personal unhappiness comes from not fitting various norms, and feeling like I ought to be more normal in order to have a happy life. That’s not an unwarranted fear as there’s real social marginalisation attached to being non-normative. If we expand our ideas of the kinds of lives that are acceptable, older divorced women; young ladies like me who are starting to build their lives; queer, asexual, and poly people; hey, even happily married straight people – all kinds of people! – will be better served."


The next time someone tells me that "I would be 'happier' if I had a boyfriend" that is the response I'm giving.

Are Men Under Attack?

I've noticed that men are getting a lot of bad publicity in the media sphere over the last few weeks/years. When I returned home from Connecticut, my mother left an article on my bed from the Wall Street Journal, with the harsh title, "Where Have All the Good Guys Gone?" It featured an excerpt from a book released this past March titled, Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys, by Kay Hymowitz. She analyzes how pop culture has created the infamous "man-boy", a.k.a Seth Rogan before he meets Katherine Heigel in Knocked Up. One immediate issue I have with this book is the fact that women are being blamed for the rise of "man-boys." Why must women be punished for their power and strength? Female power poses a threat to men who are now losing their masculinity and never growing up. This is a troubling connection to me.


I was then sent to an amusing video from The Onion titled, "Obama Releases 500,000 Men from U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve." While I think the video's hilarious, there were certain parts that made me a bit uncomfortable. For example, the ideal man, according to The Onion, notices a woman's new haircut and learns to grow a vegetable garden. Is that all women desire in a life partner?


My main question is: Are The Onion, Knocked Up, and Kay Hymowitz onto something? Is this generation of men, less mature, and more boyish? I'm certainly not an authority on the male population, and I've had my fair share of awkward experiences with immature men (for evidence of this, you can refer to this previous post). Yet, I do have an opinion on this "man-boy" phenomena. I think films such as Knocked Up have glorified the "man-boy" archetype and made it more socially acceptable for men to sit around in their pajamas and play video games all day. Why grow up when your favorite celebrity stays a child forever in your favorite television program or movie? I think it gives men "the easy way out" and an excuse to avoid responsibilities in their lives, so let's get rid of the "man-boy" term. Also, it's an exaggeration to say that all men are like this. I'd like to keep the hope alive that there are "good" men out there, escaping the "man-boy" label.

"Man-boys" in action.

(http://www.universalstudiosentertainment.com/uploads/

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44% of Women Surveyed Have Romance Regrets in Northwestern Study

(http://www.kellogg.northwestern.edu/News_Articles/2011/romantic-regrets.aspx)

A study at Northwestern University questioned what decisions Americans regret the most. Researchers found that "About 44 percent of women reported romance regrets versus 19 percent of men. Women also had more family regrets than men. About 34 percent of men reported having work-oriented regrets versus 27 percent of women reporting similar regrets." While the study focuses on the "psychology of regrets," I think it's important to analyze the results from a gender perspective. Why is it that women have more romance regrets than men? Is it that more women have romantic regrets or are more women willing to admit their regrets? We live in a culture that punishes men for having emotions, so that may be one piece to the puzzle.


I think this study demonstrates the gender divisions that still exist in relationships and in the workplace. Women are defined by their romantic relationships while men are defined by their careers. This is a problematic association that is apparently still thriving based on the results of this study.


This weekend I went on a hiking trip with a friend (Yay!), and we spoke for a long time about the pressures we feel when speaking with family members and friends about being "single." While the little feminist voice inside my head tells me not to, I have been asked with such a frequency over the last few years that I do feel ashamed for not having a boyfriend. It as if people assume that I'm not a complete person if I don't have a significant other, and while I do think relationships enrich your life, I don't need one to be a "complete, fulfilled" person. I like myself, and I'm waiting for someone who likes me just as much as I like myself.


Another intriguing aspect of this study is that the "typical American" ranked "self" as the least source of regret. Regrets are mostly attributed to romance, family, and education decisions. I think this finding says something about the way people always look to external factors to explain their behaviors instead of looking into themselves. It's always difficult to take responsibility for our actions.

What if Cinderella just wanted to Hook Up with Prince Charming?

http://penglipurlara.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/disney-cinderella.jpg

A few weeks ago, I saw the film Water for Elephants starring Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattinson. In the film, Robert Pattinson’s Jacob discovers the dangers and excitement of circus life after his parents are killed in a car accident. He falls for the beautiful Marlena (Reese Witherspoon), the wife of the abusive and cruel ringmaster. I won’t spoil the ending, but I will say that Jacob takes extensive measures to prove his love and loyalty to Marlena. Yes, it isn’t the traditional boy meets girl, they date, and live happily ever after storyline, but there was something romantic and sweet about Jacob’s pursuit of Marlena. I left the theater thinking: How often do men pursue the women of their dreams in the modern dating world?

The fairy tale model where boy meets girl and they run off into the sunset has been twisted, revised, expanded, and turned upside down in recent films. Hook up culture doesn’t fit in well with the happily ever after messages we’re told when we’re young. Can you imagine Cinderella telling Prince Charming after he puts on her glass slipper that she would “just like to hook up and have meaningless fun for a few weeks and then find a new prince” instead of the magical kiss and marriage? I’m going to take a wild guess and say that version would not be popular with parents and young children. Yet, these are the messages young people are navigating through in the modern dating world.

While there is an archetype of the non-committal, sex-crazed male in films such as Knocked Up and American Pie, there are new male and female archetypes emerging to keep up with the changing dating climate. For example, in 500 Days of Summer, Joseph Gordon Levitt’s Tom declares his love for Summer when she openly admits that she doesn’t want a commitment. His heart is broken, yet their relationship I think offers a reality in the dating world. Sometimes things don’t work out, and sometimes one person has different expectations than the other person in a relationship. Tom loves Summer while she is hesitant and anti-committal.

Tom's seeing birds and leading a musical in the park while Summer isn't sharing the love...

http://www.wrensnestonline.com/blog/wp-content/500-days-of-summer1.jpg

The woman who just wants sex without the love is a rising female model Hollywood has used in the films No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits. I find it amusing that two films with the exact same plot have been released in the same year with actresses that starred in the same Oscar winning movie. While on the surface, the “new” Hollywood leading lady is career-driven and in charge of her sexuality. Yet, is this an empowering view of women? A woman that knows what she wants. I would say no since at the end of the movie she usually changes her mind and trades the career for love. While I think a woman has every right to enjoy her career and hook up, Hollywood films such as No Strings Attached just teach young people that a career is a substitute for a relationship and being in a relationship is of course the best judge of a woman’s character.

So, how do we make sense of these confusing messages? Should a woman wait for Prince Charming to arrive on his white horse? Should she engage in hook up culture? Should she find a “fun friend” to magically fall in love with after weeks of hooking up? Does this actually happen in real life!? I don’t think these answers are simple because I think our society has set up guidelines to punish a woman for whatever choice she makes. If she waits too long, she’ll become a spinster or a prude. Think about Kate Middleton a.k.a “Waity Katie” as deemed by the British press when Prince William wouldn’t propose to her. If she’s too quick to hook up, then she’s called a “slut.” She gets around “too much” and other women resent and judge her. This is a frustrating trap for me, and maybe one day I’ll just get to a point where I don’t care as much anymore.

Below are a few links on this topic:

A Wall Street Journal Blogger on women who want sex while a man wants commitment in Hollywood films.

A review of recent studies done about hooking up on college campuses.

A critique from Fox News about Hollywood's glamorization of domestic violence in teen romances on shows like Gossip Girl and Twilight.

The Last "Single" Girl?

A few weeks ago, I watched the Sex and the City movie with a few friends of mine, and it brought up an issue I am all too familiar with... the label of being "single." Even if Sex and the City made it cool for women to be in their thirties, single and sipping martinis, there is still a stigma against women who are single. If you're single and not desperate on Valentine's Day, then there is something wrong with you. Why is that? Of course, I have my theories, but really why can't women be single, happy, and looking?


I found this article on a blog about "36 Things Every Single Girl Must Do Before She Settles Down." While I agree with many of the points (check out #11!), I think this article should be renamed "36 Things Every Woman Must Do in her Lifetime." Why can't a woman, for example, go to a movie on her own while she's in a relationship? Is she forced to always go with her significant other? Why can't she continue checking off the list while she's in a relationship? It's empowering to do things on your own, and you can still do that single or not.


Here's the link: http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/single-ish/2010/06/36-things-every-single-girl-mu.html