Which Boyfriend Are You in the Mood For Today?... What the Internet is Teaching Kids

I’m always intrigued to speak with young children about how they experience the “online world.” While I was working at the art studio a few days ago, a bunch of eager children hijacked my computer to check out the latest games on Girlsgogames.com. The first screen that popped up asked the girls, “Which boyfriend are you in the mood for today?” While the online world may be a place for young people to try on different roles without real world consequences, what happens when they take their fantasy roles into the real world? For example, are men disposable in the real world if girls can choose a new one each day based on their moods in an online program? Are they being exposed to mature roles they aren’t ready for or are they learning to explore their sexual identities?

When I first saw that “boyfriend game” I was taken aback and ready to criticize it, but I know from many hours of working with kids that they are smart and inquisitive. They receive conflicting messages constantly about what it means to be “sexy” and “sexual.” Peggy Orenstein brought up a great point in her book Cinderella Ate My Daughter about the way young girls are taught to look and act “sexy” but are not allowed to actually partake in “sex.” Are young girls to blame for mimicking the dance moves of their favorite musicians? The look is separated from the act. Once again, reinforcing the fact that young girls don’t have sexual desires. So could the online world be an empowering place? I’m hesitant to use the word “empowering” because of the incidences of cyber bullying.

After they “chose” which boyfriend they were in the mood for, the girls engaged me in a discussion about what I disliked the most about Justin Bieber. It was clear that these girls were over “Bieber fever.” I suggested, “Well, I don’t like his songs very much.” One girl chimed in, “Justin Bieber is a girl. He is female. That’s why I don’t like him. He looks like a girl.” I asked her more questions behind her reasoning about Bieber’s femininity. She responded that it was about the way that he dressed, looked, and he sang like a girl! This was a clear example to me of children assigning particular characteristics to men and women. A man possessing feminine traits is problematic in their worlds because they already have an idea of how men and women are supposed to act. For these girls, a man being stereotypically feminine is “wrong” and it’s a point of ridicule. The girls then dressed a Justin Bieber avatar on girlsgogames.com as an old grandfather.

In a few sketches on his talk show, Jimmy Fallon has ridiculed Bieber's image. Take a look!

Yes, this conversation was amusing, but then it took a turn for the worse when the girls began dressing other famous pop stars like Lady Gaga and Adele. They obsessed over their looks changing their hair and makeup. So that’s what all girls think about, right? They just care about the makeover and maintaining the perfect hairstyle? That is one reason why we need to be asking these questions about what online sites are teaching kids. Are they expanding gender roles or limiting girls to a world of shopping and perfect and “pure” bodies?

A little "Too Close" for Comfort: Rethinking 90s Music Memories

To set the scene for this post, let's travel back in time... It's the 90s, and I'm sitting in the car gossiping with some friends in the back seat while my mom is driving us to a friend's house. A song comes on (Think Spice Girls "Wannabe" or "2 Becomes 1"), and we begin dancing and mouthing the words to each other. You may be thinking "What's so problematic about this scene?" (or you're thinking "Oh, Baby Spice was my favorite" which means you are missing the entire point of this post...)


Let's fast-forward a few years later to another conversation:
Me: What are you talking about?
Friend 1: Lena, don't you remember that song?
Me: No. Play it for me.... My friend begins playing "Too Close" by Next.
Me: Oh, yeah I remember it. 
Friend 1: Listen to the lyrics...
Me: Why...Oh...
To get my point, check out the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwEZRPkAAu8


So the entire song is about getting "too close" to a member of the opposite sex at a party, and I, at 20 years old, just realized the true meaning of the song when I revisited it. The same thing happened when the Spice Girls went on tour again. I revisited the song "2 Becomes 1" and had another revelation about my childhood. What's problematic here is that I danced to these songs as a naive 14-year-old without recognizing the sexual innuendo, and the same pattern is continuing with 8-year olds replicating Lady Gaga's dance moves on Youtube. (Yes, there is a video of an 8-year old boy dancing to "Poker Face.")


For kids today, Lady Gaga is their idol, and yes, her songs are great to dance to, but there is something problematic about the messages these songs are telling young people. The songs over-sexualize young girls and tell them that to fit in they need to be "sexy." While I've said on my blog that there should be more open communication with young people about sex, another layer is to inform young people of the negative messages they are receiving from the music industry that lead them to uncomfortable sexual situations they are not prepared for. Yes, the songs are nice background music to dance to at parties, but the lyrics need to be problematized and seen as potential harmful manipulators of men and women's sexual behaviors.

Gaga wants your Bad Romance and… to read you a Bedtime Story?

My roommate mentioned this story about a “Telephone” inspired children’s book, and I needed to investigate. What a funny and disturbing idea!

http://www.kolbisneat.com/telephone.htm

Also, while on the subject of Lady Gaga, she just released lyrics to her new song, “Born this Way.” I was inspired to change the title of this blog. I’m experimenting and seeing which one I like better.

In the past, I’ve been a tough critic of Lady Gaga’s image. I wondered whether her songs empowered women or objectified them, and after critiquing her music videos I thought her messages were disempowering, and she was not doing enough to promote women’s rights in such a position of power in the music industry. My experiences over the last year have pushed me to question my thinking. While I get a little tense at the thought of eight year olds replicating Gaga’s music videos on YouTube, I admire her openly sexual, independent, strong persona. In a world where women have to constantly navigate double binds like needing to be sexy and innocent at the same time, she stands out. She talks about her sexuality without shame and doesn’t care what the people around her think. She has managed to rise above conformity, and I think her new song, “Born this Way” successfully makes that point.

She sings, “Don’t hide yourself in regret/Just love yourself and you’re set/I’m on the right track baby/I was born this way.” Now, that’s a song I want to dance to…

Here's a link to the rest of her lyrics:

http://www.directlyrics.com/lady-gaga-born-this-way-lyrics.html