Are women "prone" to repeating past mistakes?

A few weeks ago, I was engaging in a conversation with my dad about women in relationships, and he said that, "Women stick to patterns, and go back to the same men over and over again." When I say patterns, I don't mean abusive relationships where women do not leave their significant others. I mean situations where women repeatedly like the same type of guy that is never right for them or women keep "hooking up" with the same guy that will never want more than free fun.

So why is it that women do this? I get the simple explanation: Women are weak and overly emotional, so they must return to their past hookup buddies hoping they have changed. But, I'm not buying that excuse because it's based on a lot of stereotypical bullshit about women. I have a couple of other possible explanations: Maybe women feel comfortable with these types of men and don't know who might be a better fit for them. I think relationships among 20-somethings have become so devalued in college culture. Maybe women think that's the best they can get, so they settle for hookups. I also think some women repeat past mistakes while others learn from them, so I think it's a grand generalization to say that all women are trapped in their past relationship mistakes. 

Just some thoughts on a rainy Monday night (a.k.a I don't want to do my take home exam or write my papers)

"That Girl" Syndrome

A reoccurring theme in my life and on this blog is the way women discuss, label, and I would argue devalue each other. I recently considered how often I hear and partake in this conversation:


Girl 1: Oh, "That girl" she sleeps around with lots of guys.
Girl 2: I would never do that. I'm not "that girl."


The phrase "That girl" is overused in normal conversations, and those labels stay with women. It is times like these when I get fed up with being on such a small campus where identities and social groups are solidified after the first year. Why is there such an obsession with putting people in categories? I'm a dynamic person and my interests have changed since high school, yet sometimes I feel like I live in a box at Denison. 


Is it a matter of just not caring about the labels others place on you? I wish I could do this, but I find that some labels just get to me. Also, labels about women are frequently negative. Why don't we have more positive discussions about women? 


One of my favorite quotes is: "Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again. And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique."
-Pablo Casals


Why don't we say "That girl. She's a marvel. She's unique"!

This post reminds me of the song "I'm Not That Girl" in Wicked. 

You know you've hit rock bottom when...

You know you've hit rock bottom when... you get asked out in an email. My streak of awkward male encounters continues. Without going into too many of the painful details, I met Boy A on Wednesday at a work function. He then sent me a long email about how he "thoroughly enjoyed" our conversation and is looking for a friend. After a few more paragraphs, praising my good conversational skills, he then gave me his number to "hit him up sometime." Now I didn't think it was creepy until he wrote... "Like tomorrow!!" emphasis on the two exclamation points. I replied that if he had any more questions about my job he could visit me in the office, so there he was at the office yesterday while I was working. I answered a few more questions for an article he is writing, and then he left. A few minutes later I get an email from him asking for my number, so we can "keep the conversations going."

Really? You just saw me in person a few minutes ago. Also, my boss informed me that he was lurking around the office for 20 minutes while I was meeting with a different student. Maybe one day in the future I'll be laughing about this experience, but to be honest, I just feel like crying. I think I deserve a hell of a lot more than an email. 

My friends and I have spoken a lot recently about what it means to be "approachable" and why boys on this campus don't approach women unless they are drunk, at a party, and looking for some quick action. The lights are dark. The music is blasting, and in my experience, boys just grab you without any intention of learning your name. What about me screams "Creepy men, approach me with your awful pickup lines"! This blog post about "The art of being approachable" says that women should practice being playful and flirtatious in public to exude confidence and "attract more of the men you want to meet."

a) I'm not going to practice being flirtatious in public nor am I going to change who I am to attract a man.

b) Just because I smile at you or wear a dress does not mean I'm into you. This goes back to the stereotype that boys have sexual urges that they cannot control, and therefore, poor treatment of women is excusable. I control my body and what I do with it.

I'm sure Cameron Diaz can feel my frustration in There's Something About Mary.