The Differences Between a 'Homance' and a 'Bromance'

While reading reviews for the film Bridesmaids, I encountered the term “homance.” My immediate response was to google a “homance”, and the results were scarce. Urban dictionary offers two diverse definitions. It may mean a relationship between a pimp and his “ho”, but in the context of that article, it is supposed to be the female equivalent of a “bromance” or relationship between two straight males, that is “closer than friendship but less than a dating relationship.” Yet, a homance has different connotations than a bromance. 

When thinking about a bromance, the films, I Love You, Man, Pineapple Express, and The Hangover, come to mind. These characters are goofy, funny, and lovable. I think one reason why the term bromance is so popular is because it is an acceptable form of male friendship. These films have made bromances cool and funny as compared to a situation where two men are just hanging out together in regular friendship. Why? Well, there is still a stigma against two men being called gay if they spend too much time together. I would love a male perspective on this because I don't want to make generalizations.

When I think about a homance, I get stuck on the use of the term "ho" because I would never want to be called that. Why do women and men need to declare that they are in homances and bromances? My worry is that "homance" will become another word feminists need to reclaim after the media has used it to harm women and increase female competition. My inquiry about homances led me to a few articles about the current state of female relationships in films. While men bond through bromances in smash hits, women are tearing each other apart in films. For an example, take a look at Kate Hudson's new film, Something Borrowed. Could Bridesmaids be an exception or is it reinforcing a rule that women need to compete over beauty and men? I'll tell you what I think when I see it!

Some Concerns for Randy, Star of "Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss"

While watching a re-run of the royal wedding, I saw previews for "Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss" and I think there needs to be some discussion about the contradictions of even having a show like this exist on our televisions. This interview with Randy Fenoli on "Why Plus-Size Brides Deserve Extra Love" brings up many of the issues I raised in my last post.


Here are a few highlights:


-Randy says that the point of spotlighting plus-size women is because they have received such poor treatment from other bridal stores. My problem is that by putting them on the television screen in a separate show aren't you just further "othering" them?


-He then goes on to declare that his "plus-size brides" are comfortable in their own skin, yet they should avoid certain patterns or dresses that are unattractive for their figures. A bit of a contradiction? I was watching the regular show "Say Yes to the Dress" a few weeks ago, and a "plus-size" bride wanted to wear a mermaid-style gown. Randy came in and told her that it was unflattering over and over again, yet the bride was set on that design.


Another important issue this article raises is that dresses at bridal stores do not come in sizes above a 6 or 8. The average size for a woman is a size 14. When the average woman walks into a bridal store, she won't find a dress in her size. Yet, women can't be "average-looking" can they? I think the fact that these stores won't carry sizes above an 8 is another way that women's bodies are controlled and made to feel uncomfortable. Is it telling women that they need to be a size 8 to be a happy bride in the gown of her choice? I think the bridal industry can change this by offering more and better choices for all brides.

(http://www.blogcdn.com/www.stylelist.com/media/2009/10/say-yes-to-dress-240sc103009.jpg)

Rethinking "Modern" Love: What I've learned from Reese Witherspoon and bell hooks

I’ve admired Reese Witherspoon for many years for her courage, strength and charm. I loved her authenticity in Walk the Line, and I appreciate her honesty about the dissolution of her marriage to Ryan Philippe. For her second wedding to Jim Toth, she chose a beautiful light pink dress, and I applaud her for going off of the “traditional” route. The other day while discussing wedding dresses, I declared that if I got married, I did not want to wear a white dress on my wedding day. My friends looked at me in agreement stating, “Yeah, me neither. I think I want something off-white or ivory.” Well, that wasn’t what I meant. When I told them that I think I want to wear something unique and maybe lavender, they thought I was crazy.

What frustrates me is that I have to explain myself for going against a "norm" that the wedding industry perpetuates. The wedding industry has constructed a woman’s wedding day as the best moment in her life where she must wear the white dress and kiss her prince. But, what about the people that don’t get this happy ending? Is it the woman’s fault that she didn’t meet someone that she wanted to share her life with? Was she just not trying hard enough? I admire Reese for openly admitting that she married young, made some mistakes and has now found someone that she is happy with.

I read an article from Elle magazine that describes Reese’s dress as “pink enough to make it appropriate for a second wedding.” What bothers me is that for her second wedding it was inappropriate for her to wear “white.” There is a stigma that you only have one love for the rest of your life. I think you have many loves in your life. They can be people, children, hobbies and travel locations. I often have discussions with friends about how the number one question we are asked is about our relationship status. What about the passion and enthusiasm women bring to their work and job lives?

bell hooks describes love as a transformative force but only if people will put in the time and investment:

"Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know love we have to invest time and commitment...'dreaming that love will save us, solve all our problems or provide a steady state of bliss or security only keeps us stuck in wishful fantasy, undermining the real power of the love -- which is to transform us.' Many people want love to function like a drug, giving them an immediate and sustained high. They want to do nothing, just passively receive the good feeling."

— bell hooks

Don't we all deserve the kind of love that hooks describes? 

Here are some quick links:

Want to buy a Disney wedding gown!?

My Big Fat Feminist Wedding

"Bridesmaids" Trailer