Sexual Violence Isn't "Sexy"

Some conversations and films I've watched recently have pushed me to discuss the issue of sexual violence on my blog. A few weeks ago, I stayed up late watching Unfaithful. It's a thriller with Richard Gere and Diane Lane. Lane is a stay-at-home mom with a high-powered lawyer for a husband. When the film begins, it's clear that their marriage is happy, but Lane is looking for sparks and passion because Gere is  workaholic. She has a chance meeting with an attractive frenchman played by Olivier Martinez on the street, and they begin a passionate affair. I won't spoil the ending for those who haven't seen it. 


There were a few scenes in the film I wanted to draw attention to because they raised some questions for me about rape and sexual assault. In the first sex scene Paul (Olivier Martinez) tells Lane to hit him when she expresses that she doesn't know "how to do this." That was the first indicator for me that there was something off with this relationship. In one of the final scenes between Olivier and Lane, when she tries to leave, he pushes her into a wall and begins undressing her. What's problematic here is that most people would think that is "sexy" but for me, it seemed that he was taking advantage of her, and she did not fully consent. It reminds me of the Lady Gaga lyrics from her song "Poker Face" where she sings: "Baby, if it's not rough/ it isn't fun." I think this tension needs to be discussed among men and women because where are the boundaries when rough IS NOT fun anymore?

It seems based on conversations I have overheard and taken part in over the past few weeks that these boundaries are NOT clear to men and women. Let's be honest here... This is a situation that is not just happening in movies. Think about it the next time you're at a party and see two intoxicated people going off together.


Continuing with the subject of rape, my roommate recently introduced me to "rape- fighting condoms." A doctor in South Africa created a condom women can wear to protect them from rape. To summarize, women wear a condom with "teeth." A man tries to rape her, and the teeth grab on. The man is in pain and must remove himself. The only way he can remove the condom is by going to a doctor, and the more he tries to remove it himself the tighter it gets. Take a look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9guyVVqHcYo